Socials and dating in Mariupol
OUR ADVICE
All Ukrlady Tour Socials begin with a friendly and quite atmosphere in a quiet place with light music playing softly in the background. In the evening the music will change to more popular dance music. Usually Socials take place in one of the cozy restaurants or night clubs; there is also a place outside with a date if you like.
Ladies in Ukraine take care about their appearance. We recommend you to wear a suit and tie or what ever you would normally wear to a formal event. Articles of clothing such as t-shirts, jeans and athletic clothing are not recommended at social. Please keep in mind that your comfort is important, however; dressing up would be a gesture of respect towards the ladies.
CAMERA IS IMPORTANT
Be sure to bring a small notebook and a couple of pens with you to the social, it is important that you write down the ladies' contact information. Always write down her full name, address, phone number, and something about the girl that makes her stand out in your mind.
It is also a good idea to bring a small photo album, or just pictures of you and your home town to the socials. This helps the ladies get to know who you are.
Bring a camera to the socials and be sure to take photos of you and the ladies that you meet. If you eventually want to invite a lady over to your country you must first present evidence to the INS that you met the woman in her country previously.
FREE INTERPRETERS
Ukrlady provides free interpreting services during the socials. Should you care to meet with a lady after the socials our tour assistants can help you arrange for an interpreter. The standard fee for interpreting services is $15 an hour.
TOUR SCHEDULE
The tours last for six hours, giving you plenty of time to meet, talk and dance with the ladies you are interested in. Be sure to attend all three socials and stay until the end of the social. You never know whom you are going to meet in the last 15 minutes of the last day.
It is important that you try to meet as many ladies as possible. This may be difficult as some ladies will try to "keep you to themselves" and will even try to schedule dates with you at the time of the socials. Politely refuse and offer to take her out at another time. Bring your tour schedule with you and make dates for our daytime sightseeing tours. This is a good way to have an early date, leaving the evening free to possibly see another lady. Don't forget to make a date for the night after the social event is over.
THE FIRST CONVERSATION
If you feel uncomfortable introducing yourself, ask one of the interpreters for assistance. If a girl is looking at you, but does not smile back when you smile at her it does not mean she is not interested. It might be that the lady is afraid of being perceived as desperate. Try to remain open-minded. Some women are nervous during the socials and cannot present themselves in the best way (especially with the language barrier).
Some Ukrainian women still feel that it is wrong to actively search for a husband. You might hear some ladies say the following during a social event; "I'm just here with a friend" or "I'm just here to practice my English". Please remember that actively seeking a husband is considered unacceptable and embarrassing in many of the more conservative Ukrainian families and some girls will never admit it. Girls are not invited unless they have expressed an interest in meeting a foreign man for marriage. Don't push this point with the lady; just simply change the subject of your conversation.
Try to refrain from conversations that you see a young lady is clearly uncomfortable with. We recommend not asking ladies about their income as it is not a polite conversation topic. Do not bring a list of question and start "interviewing" the ladies. For the first meeting try to have a general conversation to simply get the feeling of how you like each other. All the important questions can be asked later.
Don't hesitate to give a lady a big hug or kiss, even in public. Ukrainian ladies are very affectionate and enjoy a gentleman who is not afraid to demonstrate how he feels.
SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
Family bonds are stronger. People live closer together and get mutual support from the closeness. Children are expected, at least outwardly, to do what they are told. (They are allowed their childhood) Baby-sitting is not a source of teenage revenue and therefore not a first step to psychological or economic independence. Instead, Grandma baby-sits the small ones, and the offer of money for the service would be insulting. Older children wait until they are out of school or college to get a job, and even then they often live at home until they marry. Eventually, Grandma will be cared for when it is necessary.
Friends and the friendly manner that expresses friendship are taken more seriously than in other countries. Many people maintain friendships that go back to early school days. Friends freely extend compliments and often offer unsolicited advice. Friends are people you can call in the middle of the night who will either come over or invite you to come to them. Difficulties arise because of differences in expectations; you are nice to Ukrainian; he perceives your action as an invitation to friendship; if you pass him in the hall the next day and only nod, he will wonder about your aloofness.
Ukrainian talking range is closer than that in the United States and Europe. A greater proximity than ours during conversation is not necessarily an invasion of personal territory, an aggression, or a sexual invitation (though it can represent friendliness). Try avoiding automatically backing away when you feel that your personal distance has been invaded. People who shove at the store merely want to see what's for sale; you can shove back if you want to see. Closeness often means comfort and friendliness; however, females in particular often walk down the street arm in arm. "Hello" and "Goodbye" kisses are fairly common among Ukrainian females and are often on the lips. (You can be insulting if you automatically turn your head away) Two women will sit right alongside each other (legs touching) to talk. But this closeness does not imply more than friendliness. Also, you will often see snapshots of males with their arms around each other. The may be happy, but they are probably not gay. (Open homosexuality is much less common and much less acceptable than it is here).
EATING AND DRINKING
Having a party is a major diversion, and lavish supply of food is normal if it can be arranged. (Hospitality is also an obligation; your hostess will run herself ragged or have paid more than she should have in an attempt to accumulate the necessaries described here) A hostess gift is a rule. So don't forget one (flowers, candy, food, drink).
The next thing you will notice is the noise level is higher-toasts are offered, jokes are told, magic tricks are played, songs are sung, and even poetry is recited. A real effort to entertain is made, and people expect to enjoy themselves.
Many gentlemen have had concerns as to what is appropriate in the way of consuming alcoholic beverages, especially if you are invited to a family dinner. Papa will probably want to bring out the vodka to toast, as is customary. There is virtually no such thing as a cocktail before dinner. Bottles of vodka and wine are placed on the table. The method of drinking is to consume a shot. This is usually followed by a bite of herring or sausage. Feel free to join in if you'd like, but refrain from overindulgence. Many gentlemen are not prepared for the effect this method of drinking will produce. Be warned that the toasting can continue all night. If you do not drink, do not feel that you will offend anyone by declining; raise whatever drink glass is in front of you for the toast.
SPECIFIC SUGGESTIONS & TIPS
-Appetizers are served family style, so help your self from the common serving dishes. (Wait until the hostess offers, since it is her job to see that you are well fed) If you refuse something, your hostess will continue to offer. Avoid heaping your plate with many varieties at once. Remember that appetizers are only at the beginning of the meal.
-Do not bother to switch your fork back to the right hand after having used the knife for cutting.
- Do not worry about details of table manners - Ukrainian are usually worried that your table manners are different.
-Small dishes of chopped green onion and/or parsley or whole cloves of garlic (in addition to sour cream) are sometimes served with soup, they are a garnish and may be added if you wish.
-Butter is served not as a cube, but as the contents of a small bowl. This explains why Russians newly arrived in the United States scrape the top of the cube instead of slicing from the end.
-If you are eating dinner and a Russian arrives, it is rude and insulting not to extend an invitation to join you at the table. (Waiting in the living room will not do!)
-If you come upon friends who are in the midst of eating, the polite and common expression is "bon appetite"! The same expression is used when leaving a table while others are still eating.
-In the course of a meal you may comment on how tasty something is. But at the end of the meal, do not comment on a meal in total. But be sure to thank the hostess.
-Do not bother offering your services as a dishwasher. Your efforts will be regarded as a comment on the disabilities of the house or host.
GIFT AND FLOWERS
Often we find clients purchasing large extravagant gifts for ladies that they have only known a very short time. Here are some gift ideas that are not only inexpensive but the lady is sure to love:
-Chocolates nicely boxed. -Good quality cotton t-shirts, sweatshirts with Disney or college insignia.
-Travel books, with lots of photos, of the place where you live.
-Flowers can be purchased in local flower shops, but make sure that you are getting an odd numbered bouquet. (Even numbers are for funerals only)
-Bath sets (you can get these at local Wal-Mart, Bath and Body Works or department stores for under $20.00.
SIMPLE RULES OF ETIGUETTE
We are fairly certain that all of the gentlemen who have chosen to travel with Ukrlady tour are not in need of any particular coaching. However, we must advise you that Russian and Ukrainian women have different standards than many of their counterparts in America. They have not been influenced by the feminist movement, and still have charming and old-fashioned ideas about how a gentleman should treat a lady. We have made a list of some very basic do's and don'ts that you might find helpful.
Extending Your Hand
When getting out of a car a man should offer his hand to a lady. She will be pleased to lean on a firm hand.
Presenting Flowers
When offering flowers to a lady, make sure you've got an odd number. In Russia and Ukraine an even number of flowers are taken to the cemetery.
Opening the Door to Her Heart
It is considered to be polite if a man opens the door and first lets his lady pass. Please hold the door if you are the first to enter.
Public displays of affection
Occur only when greeting each other, particularly with relatives and close friends, when they hug and kiss each other on the cheeks. The usage of the gesture between people is determined by the social position, sex and age of a person. It's not common for a woman to kiss a man on the first date.
Shaking Hands
The Russian handshake is common, and is a firm grip with several shakes, between men. A handshake between two women or a man and a woman is much gentler. Between women, the older should offer her hand first, and men should wait for a woman to offer her hand first.
You Can't Leave Your Hat On
Russians and Ukrainians are religious people. There are many small churches, temples and beautiful cathedrals in these countries. In respect to their beliefs, please follow some rules. First, if you are going to a church put on your long pants, as shorts are not acceptable. When coming into a church take off your hat. Do not talk loudly. As far as women, they cover their heads with a cloth, usually headscarf. They are also not allowed to wear jeans or pants inside the church.
